Check the Record

Let's check the facts. The Titans are 4-0 for the first time since 2008. Kerry Collins is the better journeyman QB than Gus Frerrote. A bottle of water is $4 inside LP field. Some of the fans who booed Vince Young screamed like little girls when he came over to our section to sign a few autographs before halftime. Adrian Peterson is a freak of nature. Justin Gage and Justin McCareins outplayed Minnesota's free agent duo of Bobby Wade and Bernard Berrian.

My opinions, based on the game:

The price for Albert Haynesworth goes up every week. I think the Titans will pay whatever it takes to get him, and we're talking $12 million a year. Once they do, Haynesworth will continue to play like an All-Pro, but more little injuries will sideline him. I would not be confident in Kerry Collins' ability to lead the team to a game-tying touchdown in a two-minute situation. The defense is the clutch unit on the team. For example, when Hentrich pinned the Vikings at the two-yard line with four minutes to go, the game was over. That's how good the defense is.

There's a lot of speculation as to what Vince Young being on the sideline meant to the team. I didn't notice him except for when he signed a few autographs (literally a few) as the game reached halftime. Some reports say that he wasn't interacting with his team. That could mean that he's "lost" the team and it could mean that he kept his distance since he wasn't playing. For this team to win a championship, he has to contribute. It's my two cents.

My fantasy world has been divided into two camps. Two teams are fantastic and the other two are struggling. Even though my AUFL team has scored more points every week, I lost 104-98 this week. I started Favre and lost. Donald Driver had his worst game since 2004 and Matt Schaub must have forgotten that Andre Johnson is on the team. Jason Campbell's flourishing this year has come at the expense of Chris Cooley. In z34 I'm 1-3. I'm middle-of-the-road statistically. My receivers are crap and I haven't paid close enough attention to tell whether my IDPs are any good.

I started a motley crew of backups in my college league and pulled out a victory. My team scored less than half of last week's output yet I won. There are no more byes for Missouri so I should be in good shape. Considering the slate of upsets, it was a good thing that Missouri didn't play.

And finally, the White Sox got a gutsy performance from Mark Buehrle, always one of my favorites, to continue what has been one of the more tormenting seasons in team history. To make the playoffs the Sox have to win today against Detroit, facing the pitcher who won the World Series clincher in 2005, then beat Minnesota tomorrow, and after that go directly to Tampa Bay against the story of the 2008 season. The Rockies won a 163rd game last year and had a nice run. I can't say that I'm looking forward to the Sox doing the same. Of course I still want them to win.

Last Stand

We're in the final 40 days of a very interesting Presidential race, and I think that the majority of America has tuned out. I feel like Lisa Simpson watching Bleeding Gums Murphy perform the national anthem. As the anthem continues, lasting a comically long amount of time, the crowd sags, but Lisa remains upright and enthralled. I can't believe that I was unable to find that on youtube.

The Republican Party thinks that they don't need the press, and the Democrats are trying to use the Rove playbook with results as positive as reviews for The Love Guru. And we're throwing out numbers like 700 billion without it registering much of a blip. I guess if you're in Atlanta, you are probably waiting in line for gas and don't have time for the news.

The NFL has gone Wildcat crazy. Against the Patriots, the Dolphins put Ronnie Brown at QB for a few plays and had incredible success. The Raiders tried the same formation with Darren McFadden as the old-school Wing T QB. I wonder if the Titans might try it, or the Vikings, since both teams look like mirror images. Each team features QBs with 14+ years of experience. Gus Frerotte was even a Pro Bowler in 1996. So was Kerry Collins. The Vikings have tried to address the WR position, and the Titans treat the position like a twenty-something who still shops at Goodwill.

The Vikings are great against the run, and the Titans really need the run to be successful. The Titans haven't given up 200 yards passing in a game yet, and I doubt that streak will end on Sunday. Steve Slaton was somewhat successful, so it's pretty obvious to say that Adrian Peterson is the key player for the Vikings. I'm looking forward to seeing him in person. I'll just shut up and listen to the AFC Playbook discussion on the contest.

The White Sox haven't gotten a hit against Kevin Slowey in the first three innings. It's a .5-game lead, and if the Twins win, I think they take the division. The Twins get Kansas City at home and the White Sox get a pretty good Indians team. Then the Sox have a final game at home against the Detroit on Monday "if necessary." They could play a game Monday, a tiebreaker against the Twins on Tuesday, then start a playoff series on Wednesday. That's not good with an already overworked pitching staff. Guillen's been playing the starters on three days' rest and the results have been poor. Joe Mauer just got a hit after an eight-pitch masterpiece at-bat. Yeah, I'm watching on ESPN gamecast.

White Sox Chin Music

Ozzie Guillen called out Javier Vazquez prior to his critical game one start against the Twins. Maybe Guillen should stick to yelling at umpires. Vazquez gave up five runs in four innings tonight. The Twins should be within a game and a half after tonight's result. I don't see a killer instinct here. The 2005 Sox led from wire to wire and swept a critical series from the Indians just as the lead shrunk to a game. They kept winning even when the division was clinched.

Maybe I'm a little bitter, but I think part of it is that I don't really want to watch playoff games that start at 9:30 p.m. The Titans are doing great and I'd hate to steal some of their karma to give the Sox a few games of playoff experience.

I'm taking a CSS class over the next two weeks so my postings will be short and if not sweet, at least short.

Zach's NFL team of the week: The Miami Dolphins. After a tough week one loss to the Jets and a blowout loss to the Cardinals, the Dolphins were left for dead heading into Foxboro. It's doubtful that the Dolphins win more than six games, or that even the stronger than we thought Bills will take the AFC East from the Patriots. For a day, one of the most maligned franchises in the league felt like kings.

I'll finish with a theory. Can a man's ego be more falsely puffed up than when he's having success with his fantasy team(s)?

Heartbreak City

This blog is dedicated to Don Funk, who met my 0-2 AUFL squad this week and responded like John McCain talking about the economy. My 27-point victory was assured when Mr. Funk started Kerry Collins at QB. Collins did outscore my uberbust QB, Derek Anderson. When your second-highest scorer is the kicker, you are most likely doomed. I also enjoyed the rant by our Commish about how the Pats' amazing coaching staff was due most of the credit for the win over the Jets. Somehow that coaching staff forgot how to adjust last weekend. The Dolphins' shocking 25-point win would have been the highlight of the week had Kerry Collins not led the Titans to an improbable 3-0 start. I wouldn't start printing Super Bowl tickets just yet.

Martin Gramatica's game-ending missed field goal, and his subsequent mad dash away from the press after the game, is only a microcosm for what New Orleans has endured over the past few years. My history lesson for the city, provided by Mark Waller, college buddy and eight-year Times-Picayune veteran, tells me the following. Note that any mistakes in my comments are mine alone, and should not be attributed to Mr. Waller, who has a lovely wife and child and needs his job. New Orleans has dealt with fires, hurricanes, and politicians so crooked that even Karl Rove wouldn't work for them. It's not a town that needs a Martin Gramatica. I was impressed by the Saints' comeback, and it makes me seriously doubt that the Broncos are championship material, and that has nothing to do with their ugly orange uniforms. Face it, once the Tampa Bay Buccaneers got finished with orange, why would any other team dare use that color?

New Orleans is a fantastic town. For a tourist. I had some of my best meals in years over the past four days. I also drank about a gallon of Abita Amber. Abita is a lovely Louisiana beer. I only had one Hurricane and avoided the "huge ass beers" and "hand grenades" offered every five steps on Bourbon Street. I did partake in the beignets at Cafe Du Monde. Each order of fried doughnut-like cakes comes with about a pound of powdered sugar. It is physically impossible not to get some of it on your clothes. The sugar turns into a cement-like substance in your mouth, and every bite is fantastic. Every dish in New Orleans has some combination of butter, cream, and liquor, and usually all three.

I visited the World War II Museum. It's a must-visit to remind everyone of a nostalgic time when the enemies were easy to spot and when they surrendered, the war was over. I'm a big what if kind of person. I shudder to think what would have happened had Admiral Yamato ordered a third strike on Pearl Harbor. That would have ended our military presence in Hawaii. The plans for an invasion of Japan, scrapped after two atom bombs led to unconditional surrender, would have led to thousands of additional casualties.

I'll cut short the alternate history and say that it's a worthy place to spend a few hours. It's a modern museum, complete with listening booths that have personal accounts from people who participated in all aspects of the war. The museum started with an account of D-Day and eventually expanded to cover the entire European and Pacific campaigns.

It's amazing to see how a lot of the Katrina devastation survives to this day. There are thousands of abandoned houses that remain untouched. A lot of residents live in FEMA trailers on their property, waiting for government or insurance assistance so they can rebuild. Many residents left and will not return. It's too bad, because New Orleans is a great town. I'll enjoy visiting it again some time soon.

All four of my fantasy teams won this week. That's a rare occurrence. In the AUFL and z34 I earned my first victories of the season. In KCFA3 I continue to be the top scorer in the entire league. Sadly Missouri is off next week, along with most of my receivers. I'll have to hope for good games from my scrubs. I have two juggernauts and two iffy squads. That sounds about right.

I never know what to think about Ozzie Guillen. He just called out Javier Vazquez, the starting pitcher in Tuesday night's series opener against the Twins. Vazquez has the tendency not to pitch well in pressure situations. I haven't looked closely lately, but a couple of years ago he'd always breeze through the first six innings and almost every time get hammered after that. A sweep for the Sox would mean playoffs. A sweep for the Twins would mean first place. Taking two out of three would be enough.

NFL, Hat in Hand

Before we begin, let me highlight this amazing site. Also I will say hello to Jaybebo of the newly redesigned Fantasy Football Whiz. He's the fifth person to comment on my blog who wasn't trying to sell something. Jay is only 1600 forum posts from catching Taz as "Top Forum Whiz." It's an unfortunate yet memorable site name.

The NFL clearly is not making enough money. When I was at the Don Funk Sports Bar this Sunday, we found out that the sports bar did not have the HD channels. There were frantic calls to Direct TV, who naturally was watching the games and not available.

The non HD games were cropped like a full screen movie on a wide screen TV. Compared to the local channels that did come in HD, the game looked like me not wearing my glasses. Without the HD options, the games would have been fine. Without, it was a sad time.

The NFL is the super soaker of money grabbers in today's insane economy. It's $300 to get the Sunday Ticket through Direct TV, and that's after you plop down around $100 a month for the service. It's another $100 for HD. The NFL is the league that invented the Personal Seat License. I get it if the PSL money is used to pay for a stadium, but now teams get public money and PSL money. If I want a replica jersey of my favorite player, it's $74.99 if you buy it through nfl.com or reebok.com. If said player gets traded or has a mental meltdown, you're screwed. If the player changes his name legally and Reebok's on the hook for thousands of jerseys with the old name, your new legal name isn't legal in the eyes of the NFL.

How bad does Samie Parker feel today? He was signed and released by the Seahawks last week. The Seahawks have seen a mind-boggling six wide receivers leave the field for the season. Parker was released, and after the Seahawks lost two more guys, they signed Koren Robinson and traded for Keary Colbert instead. Robinson famously drank his way off the team, and won me a fantasy football title five years ago.

Get Used to Looking Up

OK, so I wasn't insane for thinking that the Bengals were as bad as they were. I was at the Don Funk Sports Bar yesterday and saw a good portion of the game. Was that a perfect Jeff Fisher game or what? The excessive wind caused issues through the first quarter, but after that the Chris Johnson 51-yard run, the offense got somewhat untracked. I didn't like seeing Chris Perry tear through a giant hole on that fourth down play en route to a touchdown, but the team came back and actually scored two touchdowns in a quarter. That's the Titan equivalent to Missouri scoring on their first eight possessions last Saturday.

Collins was steady. He averaged six yards an attempt, which isn't much. His 66.7 completion percentage along with one sack and zero turnovers was perfect. Once again, the touches were split between Johnson and White. Just like last week, White averaged far fewer yards per carry. He did get the touchdown. White's probably a RB3 in fantasy now. I couldn't care less.

Justin Gage actually was a startable fantasy receiver. That happens when he catches balls thrown his way. I was not shocked to see Bo Scaife come back to earth. Don't expect a lot of 200-yard passing days in the future.

I did feel bad for Hentrich when the fumbled that wind-aided snap and got crushed by multiple defenders. Just like last week, the defense gave up nada after the turnover.

Zach's Monday fantasy recap: In the AUFL, barring a last-minute stat change, I will lose by a point. The unexpected Texans/Ravens cancellation left me starting Donald Driver (good thing) and Jamal Lewis (bad thing). I had a hunch about Jason Campbell, started Favre instead and paid the price. If Jamal Lewis had one more carry, two more rushing or receiving yards, I would have won via tiebreaker. The upside on the early bye week means that I get Andre Johnson every week, at least until the annual injury.

In z34 I still have Marion Barber and Tony Romo, but I will not make up my 51-point deficit. My early schedule features two teams that were in the final four last year. I thought I had improved.

I'll be 2-0 in z17. The Larry Johnson trade looks worse and worse, although there is upside in that it never officially was proposed. I'm going to keep my mouth shut. I wish the real Titans owned the Colts like I do in this league. This will be my third victory over the division opponent. Starting 2-0 versus the division is almost as sweet as the real Titans being 2-0.

I have to record my KCFA3 Missouri Tigers performance for posterity. Final score was 263-224. That makes me the top scorer in the league despite my 2-1 record. The 224 points scored by my opponent is tied for second highest single-week score in the league this year. Sometimes bad timing works in your favor. The starting lineup for the Missouri Tigers:

Chase Daniel, QB: 23-28, 405 yards, 12 rushing yards, four TDs (37 points)
Tim Hiller, QB Western Michigan: 23-31, 241 yards (slacker), four TDs (29 points)
Donald Brown, RB UConn: 20-206 rushing, 3 tds; 5-32 receiving (41 points)
Arian Foster, RB Tennessee: 12-100 rushing, 1-22 receiving (12 points)
Thomas Merriweather, RB Miami of Ohio: 26-74 rushing, 3 tds; 2-18 rec (27 points)
Michael Crabtree, WR Texas Tech: 8-164, 3 tds (34 points)
Jeremy Maclin, WR Missouri: 6-172, 3 tds (35 points)
Chase Coffman, TE Missouri: 6-127, 1 td (24 points, PPR for TEs)
Titus Young, WR Boise State: DNP (yeah, I could have flirted with 300)
Matt Harmon, K Navy: 4 xp, 1 fg
Penn State D: 17 points

And to make my final weekend record 2-3, I lost my baseball semifinal matchup 11-2. Without streaming a single pitcher, my opponent had 82.1 innings. I needed to stream 17 pitchers to win the innings battle. Sadly, the only other category I won was stolen bases. I will follow up last year's championship run with a two-week battle for third place. In the six years of the AUBL, I have finished in 3rd twice. I've been consistent, finishing 3rd, first, 3rd, ninth, and first so far.

The Sox have a magic number of 13 after yesterday's doubleheader sweep. They now help close out Yankee Stadium.

Line Confusion

Let me get this straight -- the Bengals lost to a Ravens team starting a rookie QB and rookie RB, managed to let Joe Flacco, slower than Dan Marino after the Achilles injury, run in on a 38-yard bootleg, and they're still favored over the Titans? Have the bookmakers seen Vince Young play? The Bengals should blitz the house against Kerry Collins today. A defense that gave up 140+ rushing yards against LaRon McClain and Ray Rice should struggle against Chris Johnson and LenDale White.

It's going to be a windy day in Cincinnati, so the Titans will lean on the run, and even if they are vastly superior, it won't be more than a seven-point game unless the defense scores a couple of times. I'm nervous due to last year's inexplicable 35-6 beatdown. I'm also a little "over it" since people won't shut up about the injured QB. I can't imagine the media firestorm if Young hadn't gotten injured.

After complaining that my opponent in KCFA3 got 12 touchdowns from his quarterbacks, I calculated my team's score and it ended up at 265. 200 points is really good in this league. Everyone on my team scored big-time except for a Boise State receiver who didn't play. If you follow NFL fantasy, you have dozens of places to go to get player information. In college fantasy, you have to check each team's "official" site, and sometimes that isn't enough. I've had players mysteriously not play in the past two weeks. Last week I lost by one point because of it. This week, I'm waiting with baited breath. We pay for a site to do the stats for us, but they're Joe Flacco slow in getting the results.

My streaming pitcher hail mary in the AUBL seems to be a failure. Nearly every pitcher I streamed yesterday got rocked. I'm down 10-3 and today's the last day. I have four starting pitchers going and it appears that I should win a lot of those categories. It was a bad week for three of my offensive players to have season-ending surgery. In leagues where you have limited roster moves, you have to save at least ten for the playoffs. Unlike in football leagues, where most leagues skip the final week, baseball has the championship matchup over the last two weeks of the year. Since 2/3 of teams are out of it, some players are shut down for the year and it's a mad scramble to find any quality scraps.

Go Titans. Ohio State fans might be the first ones in sporting history to wear paper bags over their heads despite going 11-1.

Last Gasp

I found the Missouri/Nevada game in Fox Sports, so I'll watch that while talking about the probable demise of my fantasy baseball team.

My opponent is a new member of the AUBL. He's a photographer who makes a good living, and my minimal interactions with him, seems like a good guy. It's just that I hate him this week. I used all of my roster moves to try to catch him in innings pitched. Due to funky weather, and not just in Texas, there have been a ton of rainouts and it's hard to tell who will prevail. I pretty much have to win every pitching category because I'm getting hammered in offense. I spent about an hour after this morning's run figuring out who out of the remaining pitchers going tomorrow were worthy of playing for the Green Sox. I put Johnny Cueto, twice signed and twice released before, on the roster. I thought about Ian Snell but there was a chance of him starting today and my roster move would take effect tomorrow.

I could pull it out and play another owner who's used all of his roster moves. That would be interesting. The other owner is the guy who's battled all year with me for first place. I lost the regular-season title but beat him twice head to head. The downside would be that he has a ton of roster moves left, so he could pitcher stream his way to the title.

They say that Missouri's schedule is full of cupcakes. I'll give you SE Missouri State. Buffalo could be a bowl team, but probably not. Nevada should be a bowl team. They have a solid offense and held Texas Tech to 35 points last week. It's going to be a shootout. I hope the rain doesn't slow Chase Daniel down.

How Soon We Forget

I went out for drinks with some new co-workers last night. All in all it was a good day, as I had lunch on the company and a few Newcastles on the corporate card. The main TVs in this dive bar kept showing Fox News (dude), and there was information on 9/11 that kept appearing on the crawl. I casually mentioned it in conversation and the subject was quickly changed. No one wanted to talk about it.

On 9/11, I was in a hospital room at Emory University in Atlanta, a little more than a week out of a three-week coma due to a staph infection. I was scheduled to get a PICC line inserted that day, so early in the afternoon I got in the wheelchair and a very talkative man took me to radiology. My parents had already dealt with putting their lives on hold to watch me sleep for three weeks in critical condition. I had suffered quite a few hallucinations due to the medication given me to get out of the coma. Watching planes fly into buildings to me computed as somewhat more plausible than the average American. Still, as this man pushed me along the halls, talking about planes still flying over the Atlantic that may or may not need to be shot down, the mood was a bit somber.

The radiology room itself was very cold. To cope, the staff put many warm blankets over my body, keeping my left arm exposed where they were to insert the line. The radio was on and nobody knew anything. Schools were cancelled and all air traffic had been halted hours ago. The staff told me that the line would hurt, much like inserting an IV. It did but I didn't peep and the folks there seemed to be impressed. The line went all the way to my heart and allowed me to continue taking the antibiotics that were killing the staph infection, and my red blood cells. I had to get a new line in a couple of weeks when the first one got clogged. I also got a new antibiotic and eventually left the hospital for good.

There was a moment, sitting in my room watching large buildings crash into the earth, that I realized how many people were dying at that moment. I was as emotionally receptive as I've ever been. It hurt so much that I told my parents to turn off the TV.

I think it's important to revisit our memories of that day. It's the only collective memory our generation is likely to have. I like remembering when the sound of music on a commercial brought me to tears. There was a time when I was so fragile, yet so strong.

We bring you back to reality with a discussion about fantasy baseball.

To prove how desperate and unthorough I am, I used one of my precious roster moves this morning to pick up Ty Wigginton, who's actually injured. Brandon Phillips, one of my best players, broke his finger this week and is finished. I needed a 2B after dropping Dan Uggla earlier this week. My offense is weak because my opponent is projected to get 80 innings pitched this week and I'm trying to catch up. I don't think it's going to happen. I have four starters tonight but he still has seven starts left over the weekend. The 29-inning gap is too much but I might be able to make the two-win gap. When you've been in first or second place all year and are losing 11-2 with four days left, you're going to do everything in your power to extend the season.

Ready for the Reality

I've had it. I'm tired of the presidential candidates bickering like it's Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. I really don't need to know how Vince Young's mom feels about his mental state.

Let's get past the BS and face reality. The country's in a bad place and slogans aren't going to help it. Negative ads aren't going to help it. The word change means nothing without context. We need to figure out whether Washington insiders have to do it or whether we need to go to the bullpen.

The Titans, on the other hand, are in a good place. Peter King ranked the Bears ahead of the Colts after the Sunday night beatdown. After the Titans beat the Jags, and yes, they were beaten, the Jags were ranked fourth and the Titans remained at 14th. King may be on to something, because it's hard to imagine the team exceeding last year's wild-card flameout with Kerry Collins at QB. I think he'll be fine this weekend in Cincinnati, although the Bengals put the beat-down on the Titans last year.

I thought it strange that the Titans would let Ingle Martin, who was with the team all offseason, go to the Chiefs (he was on the practice squad) when they needed a somewhat experienced backup while Vince Young heals from his physical wounds. Instead they picked up Chris Simms, who was ditched like a weepy girl at the prom by the Patriots earlier in the week. Collins is as mobile as my grandma, so there better not be too many seven-step drops in this week's gameplan.

As for my White Sox, Paul Konerko just sprained his MCL. The schedule does them no favors with the white-hot Blue Jays in town. How did the Blue Jays just pass the Yankees? The other bad side to the injury is that I'm in the AUBL playoffs and Konerko's not going to help me on the bench. My opponent already has a 25-inning edge in pitching. I have adjusted my pitching staff to get seven starts in the rest of the week. It might not be enough.

The White Sox are going to have to figure out a way to get to the playoffs. The Titans are going to have to adjust their offense for the next few weeks.

In conclusion, Vince Young is 25 years old. Think about how mature you were at 25. Were you supposed to lead a $750 million franchise?

As for the presidential candidates, they're old enough to know better. At this rate, I'm voting for Britney.

Fantasy Mediocrity, Served Weekly

I had a couple of fantasy disappointments this weekend. In my college league, I lost by a point. The reason I lost is that one of my starting running backs did not play a down. My team currently has about 30 schools represented, and I can't read newspaper accounts on each one to check the depth chart.

In the AUFL, I lost to my dad by 40 points. Even if I had started my "best" squad, I would have lost by 22. I started Willis McGahee, who like my nameless college guy didn't play a snap. My only good player this week was Matt Forte, who had a nice 21-point debut. The rest of my team scored 38. Santonio Holmes, Chris Cooley and the Giants D did not show up.

In z34, I unofficially won by .06 of a point, the closest game in league history. Upon further review, my opponent had Tom Brady, and according to league rules you can designate a backup QB. If your starter gets hurt, you get the points for your backup starting in the quarter after the starter was injured. He had Philip Rivers and I lost by 25 points.

In z17, where I am the defending champion, I won by 56 points. My efficiency rating was 89.9%, pretty darn good. The key to having a good efficiency rating is having crappy backups. The Marion Barber/Michael Turner RB combo should be good nearly every week.

While I enjoyed my three nights in Nashville, all I did was eat a lot and win a lot of gold medals playing Mario Kart. I'm so glad that I don't have a Wii at home. Don't ask how my parents ended up with a Wii. They're just ahead of the curve.

I'm ready to put my authentic Vince Young red practice jersey on ebay. After yesterday's pouting session and the weird story out of Nashville that police had to track him down last night, I'm ready to punt. Vince has been coddled like no player in franchise history. Those rookie heroics are looking really grainy at this point. A great player lets a mistake roll off his back like water. Vince has to remember that he's on a team, and the pouting isn't a good substitute for leadership.

Still, I can't help watching the this video. I'm going to pour out the first sip of my first Sunday beverage in honor of my fallen Patriot friends.

Don, I'm afraid that you're stalking me. Let me watch some Bengals/Titans action on Sunday and all will be forgiven. It's Kerry Collins time.

I'm going to be ill.

Week One Hurts So Good

Yesterday's season opener for the Titans was your typical 60-minute gut punch. At a glance, the 2008 offering won't be much different from 2007. The defense might be better, and the offense is, once again, a work in progress.

It was a warm 85 degrees as I found my seat in section 143. This section is unusual. While the people around my parents' seats are pretty solid supporters, the section as a whole is the last to stand up during defensive plays. Our buddy one row behind us finally had to yell "hey folks, this isn't a preseason game!" in the fourth quarter.

The opening kickoff seemed to be a harbinger of disaster. Rob Bironas, who missed the entire preseason, kicked a line drive to Brian Witherspoon of the Jags. He fumbled the kick. The Titans stopped containing the edge and Witherspoon ran out to midfield. Special teams were bad most of the game. The defense stopped the Jags.

While LenDale White was announced as the starter at RB, Chris Johnson got the first two carries. After a pass interference penalty, Jeff Fisher thought enough was enough and settled for three. Bironas made the 47-yarder without an effort.

During the game, the Jags offense was on the Titan side of the field nine times. Their only touchdown came after Vince Young threw the ball right at a Jag defender. He exceeded his quota by doing this twice on the day.

Vince led the team to a nice half-ending drive. The final play was a throw to Chris Johnson so low that Johnson stumbled and finally dove into the end zone for his first NFL touchdown. I'm saying it now; Johnson will outscore Maurice Jones-Drew in fantasy.

The second half was typical Titans. The offense struggled to get more than one first down and the defense kept making plays. Courtland Finnegan made his second interception, after which Vince threw the ball directly into a defensive lineman's hands. As they did last year, the defense yielded nothing. David Garrard had no time all day, and his top WR was Matt Jones. The cocaine jokes did not get better from the drunken louts sitting behind me.

With six minutes to go, the Titans got the ball back. Kerry Collins took a couple of practice snaps and the fans thought he was going into the game. There was no such luck. Vince limped off the field after second down. It was third and fifteen. The defense had played well but the lead was down to three and the Jags had one last attack in them. My nephew had consumed two Gatorades, a container of nachos, and a frozen lemonade. Time was running short. The lout behind me predicted a first down.

He was right. It wasn't Collins making a big throw. He hit Bo Scaife on a screen. A couple of linemen blocked downfield and Scaife took off like Kevin Boss in the Super Bowl. Quite a few fantasy owners are going to take Scaife based on his first 100-yard receiving game. Don't expect it to happen again this year. The Titans were in field goal range and I thought for sure that Fisher would take it easy. On third down Collins hit Justin Gage on a crossing pattern. Earlier in the game, Gage dropped a third-down throw from Young. I swear that every third pass thrown from Vince Young has metal spikes through the ball.

Gage caught the pass and made it to the one-yard line. LenDale, forgotten in the Chris Johnson hype, busted in for the clinching score. Of course the Jags did get within 7 and had a shot at the Hail Mary. Haynesworth completed the beat-down with the team's seventh sack.

Unlike the secretive Patriots, the Titans let it be known that Young tore his MCL and is out probably for a month. He may return after the bye. Collins should be OK, but there's nothing behind him. With more NFL teams keeping two QBs, there's going to be a rush for talent when a guy gets hurt.

Let's talk about the uninjured players. When the Titans said that White and Johnson would go 50/50 on carries, they weren't kidding. Johnson gained 93 yards while White gained 40. Both scored a touchdown.

The receivers are going to be a problem. McCareins was called for pass interference and Gage dropped an easy one. Scaife played the slot a few times instead of Brandon Jones.

Chris Carr was nothing special on kickoffs and punt returns. If he's middle of the road, that's an improvement from last year.

The defense is a monster. Haynesworth missed a couple of series and it didn't matter. Call the defense uber-clutch for stopping the Jags every time. I wonder how the secondary will stack up against better receiving corps.

In conclusion, the Titans are on top of the division for the first time in years. The Colts lost to a fired-up Bears squad. The Texans, as usual, were the Texans. The Jags are going to be good. They just met up with a superior opponent.

All of my fantasy teams got trashed this weekend. I'm even losing to the guy who owns Brady. For week one, real football rules.

5000 Meters

I say it that way because 5000 meters is more impressive than five kilometers, which puts 3.1 miles to shame. I completed the Hot and Humid 5K in Inman Park near downtown Atlanta in 29 minutes and 27 seconds. Although Atlanta is a relatively flat place, run a few blocks and you are bound to find hills. The worst part about running down hills in the first half of a race is that you're going to have to run up those hills on the way up.

At the beginning I found myself equally paced by a guy pushing a baby stroller. Today's baby strollers are like mini-SUVs. All I could see was one green croc sticking out as the kid had a bumpy ride. I passed stroller guy as we went up a hill but by the halfway point, he left me in the dust. I only finished eleven minutes behind the top performer in the 30-34 age range.

Why do runners have to look like famine victims? The "ideal" runner has no muscle definition in the upper body, although you can see the ribs and spine like Nigel Tufnel's t-shirt in Spinal Tap. Some of the runners avoided the post-race spread because there were carbs. We got out of there before the watermelon seed spitting contest.

Here's my quick ego check.

Defeated by a guy pushing a stroller? Check

Defeated by a 10-year-old? Check

Defeated by multiple women who weigh less than my left leg? Check

Defeated by the oldest woman in the field? Close (she was two minutes behind me)

I may do another race, but not for a couple of weeks.

Aftermath

New Zach day, same Zach channel.

So New Orleans will play a home game this weekend but LSU will abstain. How Missouri remains ranked ahead of the other Tigers remains a mystery.

Tomorrow night I may be watching the NFL opener on Don Funk's couch, watching Don Funk's TV. I hope to be winning against Don Funk's fantasy team in a couple of weeks. CBS Sportsline, which forces me to log in every time to my league site even though I bookmarked the page, says that I'm going to lose by 30 to my dad and defending champion on opening weekend. I doubt that it's going to be clear whether McGahee or Rice starts the game. At least they're playing the Bengals. There should be enough running yards for both guys. It's too bad that the starting QB in Baltimore is Joe Flacco of "the" University of Delaware, who couldn't beat out "the" Tyler Palko at the University of Pittsburgh.

It is interesting that both first-round QBs will start the opener. That's pretty rare. It's a sure thing that one will not start the entire season.

It looks like my Larry Johnson/Greg Jennings deal will not go through for week one. Either the price is going to go way up or way down for LJ. My prediction is that the Chiefs will (gasp) lead the Patriots at halftime. Brady and co will take over in the second half. It's a good week to own Dwayne Bowe.

I'm going to start Ricky Williams. Wow. I'm leaving Julius Jones and LenDale White on th bench to do so.

It's time for the Democrats and Republicans to take off their American hats and continue the petty bickering that will keep the real issues safely far away from the discussion. I'm going to enjoy the debates, although they may turn out to be as hard to watch as the Titan offense at times.

It's always fun to set your fantasy lineup and struggle to decide who to start because you have so many options. The other way, wondering how it all went wrong, is never a good time. The only upside to me having Julius Jones in two leagues was that I drafted Marion Barber to "back him up" both times. Barber is up for a monster year.

There are some decisions that are tough but don't matter. I have Rob Bironas and Lawrence Tynes in one league. Neither guy played in the preseason and Tynes is injured. So what, it's the kicker.

In week one of my college fantasy league I was the top scorer. Last year I started 5-0, stumbled to 7-3 and made the semifinals. I'm really hoping for some help in free agency. While there are a ton of quality wideouts on the waiver wire, my needs are at kicker, QB, and RB. Oh, that's every other position.

I'll give the White Sox credit. They know how to avoid the sweep.

The Opener Awaits

I'm going to start linking to my site at the top of every blog. It's my first site, and as you can tell, there's a theme. Before I forget, Don Funk wants me to say hello. He promised that my readership would go down from 3 to 2 if I didn't mention him personally.

It's Giants/Redskins in less than 46 hours. We can find out if the Giant secondary really was protected by the DL. I'll figure out if I made a mistake in picking Jason Campbell as my 3rd QB in the AUFL. Eli Manning will throw an interception early. The Giants should win, but it's not a given.

Big fantasy questions for 2008:

Can Willis McGahee capitalize on the Cam Cameron effect when he's missed most of the preseason? Ronnie Brown was the number one fantasy running back before his injury. The Dolphins had zero at QB, OL, and WR. The Ravens have close to zero in all three categories.

Is Tom Brady really hurt? The Patriots bring back everyone from last year. There are some concerns with the offensive line.

We know that Peyton Manning was hurt, and probably won't be 100% all year. Will it matter? The Colts will miss two starting offensive linemen on opening night. Last year they were finding a left tackle off the street for a few weeks and the machine did not fall apart.

Does anyone care about Vince Young? During the summer he was touted as a backup QB, and now he's a QB3 in most people's rankings. Does anyone really believe that he's going to start 16 games and score 12 TDs again? His upside is limited, but he's going to be the top rushing QB this year by far.

Vince's running ability is the unspoken part of the Titan running game. If Chris Johnson is a ROY candidate, LenDale White's value has to go down. If VY scores 6 to 8 rushing TDs, White's not going to be too useful as a fantasy guy.

OK, enough of the Titan aside. Brett Favre is an interesting guy that no one's talking about. Oh, I'm killing tonight. Before last year's near-MVP season, Favre had 38 TDs to 47 interceptions the past couple of years. Ruh roh. I would say that the receiving talent is a lot better in Green Bay. He may hit his stride later in the year or he may lose interest if the team starts poorly.

While I write this, I'm working on a trade in one of my dynasty leagues. The centerpiece of the deal is Larry Johnson for Greg Jennings. I'd get Kolby Smith and a WR to be named later. I'd have to give up Chester Taylor as well. I don't have warm feelings for LJ, but I need a RB stud in the league. LJ with Marion Barber would be a nice 1-2 punch. I'd have to scramble every week for a 3rd wideout, but I do have nice TE depth and could start two.

Sadly, I tried to throw Steve Smith into my side of the deal, and the other guy is a hopeless Giants homer. Like they're ever going to win anything.

In my one baseball league I managed to hold onto second place and get a first-round bye in the playoffs. Ugh. The White Sox are getting crushed too much lately to breeze to an AL Central championship. After getting hammered by the Red Sox, the Indians are pounding the Sox this week. Wonderful. I might not have to stay up until 9:30 to watch the first pitch of playoff games.

Quality Win

The second half of Missouri's 52-42 win over Illinois left a bad taste in players' and fans' mouths. I understand how an "improved" defense giving up its most points in a game since a 2005 spanking at home against New Mexico would worry folks. Last year the defense gave up 24 or more points in 9 of 14 games. There were dominant performances sprinkled in, like the 41-6 drubbing of Nebraska and the shutting down Arkansas in last year's Cotton Bowl. Last year's Missouri offense scored 558 points, or just shy of 40 a game. No other Missouri team had scored more than 399. There are going to be games in which the Tigers are winning big and other teams are going to pile on the garbage points. At the same time, the offense isn't into clock-eating drives. Scoring tends to happen quickly, especially with a no-huddle offense.

Championship teams have big players who make the big plays in the big games. Tell me how many times you've heard a variation of that statement by an overpaid, oblivious announcer. Sean Witherspoon was the big player for Missouri. When his interception of Mike Vick clone "Juice" Williams to stall a drive wasn't enough, he pried the ball out of running back Daniel Dufrene's hands and brought it back for a game-sealing interception. The Tigers had a ton of success on blitzes in the first half. In the second, Illinois adjusted and feasted on single coverage to the outside. Missouri might not face a better receiving corps until the Big 12 Championship game.

It's time for Missouri's annual take it easy September. Nevada and Buffalo might be bowl teams, but nearly everyone's a bowl team now. The game at Nebraska will be next big challenge. Other than Texas and Kansas, Missouri faces zero top-25 teams the rest of the year.

Before the game, I was concerned that the offense would miss Martin Rucker, Will Franklin, and Danario Alexander. Jared Perry and Tommy Saunders stepped up, although there were some drops. The only freshman to make a catch was tight end Andrew Jones. With Jeremy Maclin possibly missing some games, expect the freshmen to be more involved. Derrick Washington was great, although to be fair he had giant holes and Illinois tackled very poorly.

It's sad that both college QBs looked more accurate than Vince Young in his final preseason game. I liked that Young drove the Titans into scoring position four times. I didn't like the poor red zone production. Going into the opener, we really don't know what to expect from the offense. Kicker Rob Bironas hasn't played in a game since the Pro Bowl. The D looks solid, but the depth is questionnable.

To wrap things up, my college fantasy team had an excellent opening week. With Arian Foster playing tonight for Tennessee, I should exceed 200 points. My team has almost no depth at QB and RB. I need to address that in free agency.