Heartbreak City

This blog is dedicated to Don Funk, who met my 0-2 AUFL squad this week and responded like John McCain talking about the economy. My 27-point victory was assured when Mr. Funk started Kerry Collins at QB. Collins did outscore my uberbust QB, Derek Anderson. When your second-highest scorer is the kicker, you are most likely doomed. I also enjoyed the rant by our Commish about how the Pats' amazing coaching staff was due most of the credit for the win over the Jets. Somehow that coaching staff forgot how to adjust last weekend. The Dolphins' shocking 25-point win would have been the highlight of the week had Kerry Collins not led the Titans to an improbable 3-0 start. I wouldn't start printing Super Bowl tickets just yet.

Martin Gramatica's game-ending missed field goal, and his subsequent mad dash away from the press after the game, is only a microcosm for what New Orleans has endured over the past few years. My history lesson for the city, provided by Mark Waller, college buddy and eight-year Times-Picayune veteran, tells me the following. Note that any mistakes in my comments are mine alone, and should not be attributed to Mr. Waller, who has a lovely wife and child and needs his job. New Orleans has dealt with fires, hurricanes, and politicians so crooked that even Karl Rove wouldn't work for them. It's not a town that needs a Martin Gramatica. I was impressed by the Saints' comeback, and it makes me seriously doubt that the Broncos are championship material, and that has nothing to do with their ugly orange uniforms. Face it, once the Tampa Bay Buccaneers got finished with orange, why would any other team dare use that color?

New Orleans is a fantastic town. For a tourist. I had some of my best meals in years over the past four days. I also drank about a gallon of Abita Amber. Abita is a lovely Louisiana beer. I only had one Hurricane and avoided the "huge ass beers" and "hand grenades" offered every five steps on Bourbon Street. I did partake in the beignets at Cafe Du Monde. Each order of fried doughnut-like cakes comes with about a pound of powdered sugar. It is physically impossible not to get some of it on your clothes. The sugar turns into a cement-like substance in your mouth, and every bite is fantastic. Every dish in New Orleans has some combination of butter, cream, and liquor, and usually all three.

I visited the World War II Museum. It's a must-visit to remind everyone of a nostalgic time when the enemies were easy to spot and when they surrendered, the war was over. I'm a big what if kind of person. I shudder to think what would have happened had Admiral Yamato ordered a third strike on Pearl Harbor. That would have ended our military presence in Hawaii. The plans for an invasion of Japan, scrapped after two atom bombs led to unconditional surrender, would have led to thousands of additional casualties.

I'll cut short the alternate history and say that it's a worthy place to spend a few hours. It's a modern museum, complete with listening booths that have personal accounts from people who participated in all aspects of the war. The museum started with an account of D-Day and eventually expanded to cover the entire European and Pacific campaigns.

It's amazing to see how a lot of the Katrina devastation survives to this day. There are thousands of abandoned houses that remain untouched. A lot of residents live in FEMA trailers on their property, waiting for government or insurance assistance so they can rebuild. Many residents left and will not return. It's too bad, because New Orleans is a great town. I'll enjoy visiting it again some time soon.

All four of my fantasy teams won this week. That's a rare occurrence. In the AUFL and z34 I earned my first victories of the season. In KCFA3 I continue to be the top scorer in the entire league. Sadly Missouri is off next week, along with most of my receivers. I'll have to hope for good games from my scrubs. I have two juggernauts and two iffy squads. That sounds about right.

I never know what to think about Ozzie Guillen. He just called out Javier Vazquez, the starting pitcher in Tuesday night's series opener against the Twins. Vazquez has the tendency not to pitch well in pressure situations. I haven't looked closely lately, but a couple of years ago he'd always breeze through the first six innings and almost every time get hammered after that. A sweep for the Sox would mean playoffs. A sweep for the Twins would mean first place. Taking two out of three would be enough.