The Rob Bironas show

Today I’m watching the NFL Network replay of the Titans/Texans game from last October. I was in Vegas and missed most of the game since the Titans had a huge lead early. Yes, I am that big of a fan.

Who could pass up on watching the game with an NFL record eight field goals from Rob Bironas? Bironas made about 500K in this game alone.

Not only is this a field goal fest, it’s a game started by Kerry Collins.

It’s week seven, and the Titans haven’t scored a point in their opening drive. Bironas nails it from 52. Collins made some nice timing throws early in the drive, and as the Titans do, they stalled out.

I watched the early part of the game in a sports book. I found it to be even more depressing than being in a sports bar alone on a Sunday. Only later did I figure out that the game was on the line.

Jacoby Jones catches consecutive screen passes and fumbles the second one. Jones was coming back from a shoulder injury (nice little insets by the Network). Harper recovers for the Titans. I have a feeling that this will be a short drive.

LenDale White is excellent at gaining three yards on first down.

Scaife takes a short pass and fumbles it back to the Texans. This is going to be uglier than I remember.

Wait, I just found out that the draft starts at 3 p.m. on Saturday. Has that been the start time all along? I so confused.

Titans get the ball back and Collins fumbles. DeMeco Ryans runs it in for a touchdown. Ryans was unblocked. Collins didn’t even have time to think about not avoiding the pressure.

There was a turnover, but NFL Network decided to fast forward to the middle of the first quarter.

There’s not much TiVo fast forwarding in this game. No filler. Courtland Finnegan came in on a safety blitz and took Matt Schaub. Bye, Schaub.

Sage Rosenfels comes in and throws an interception to Nick Harper. Kevin Walter does the “I was interfered with” hand, which never works.

Norm Chow must have had a hundred six yard pass patterns. Roydell Williams gets crushed on a crossing pattern and it’s field goal time.

Collins can throw the ball well. He hit Williams on a deep in. The replay goes directly to the field goal try. That’s number three and a 9-7 lead for the Titans.

They’re not even showing Texan possessions anymore. Gage makes a nice third-down play.

There’s a defensive pass interference call on third down that gives the Titans first and goal at the one. Can you say running play? LenDale White punches it in. It’s 16-7.

Again we’re looking at the Titans with the ball. They’re already on the Texans side of the field. Third-down play fails and it’s field goal time. 19-7.

Schaub comes back. He got hit by Haynesworth and it was a 15-yard penalty. Haynesworth put his head to Schaub’s left, so he made the effort to avoid the head to head hit.

Rosenfels comes in and fumbles the first snap. That’s two straight turnovers from my view. Titans don’t make a big effort to score a touchdown. 22-7.

The ball got to the end zone twice in that half. It’s a very conservative game plan for the dominance the Titans showed. It’s a 233-24 yardage advantage.

Rosenfels comes in to start the second half. Nick Harper gets his second interception.

LenDale White may have no speed, but he can get two yards on third and two.

25-7, here we come. Again, we go directly to a Titan offensive series.

Chris Henry got free on a long run and was tripped up by a safety. He actually looks pretty solid. He scores his first NFL touchdown. 32-7.

CBS shows Texan fans tailgating already. The remaining crowd cheers the offense as they start to build momentum. There are less than 17 minutes left in the game.

As the fourth quarter starts, it’s 32-7. The Titans have a 231-yard offensive advantage entering the quarter.

David Anderson, called “little guy” by Dick Enberg, catches the first touchdown. There’s a shot of George H Bush in the stands. Texans go for two and get it. 32-15.

Kevin Walter makes a nice catch. He had a minor breakout year for the Texans. 47 catches before last year and 65 catches in 2007.

The defense is getting tired. Texans started at their one and are moving like a hot knife through butter. Matt Schaub, still wearing his helmet on the sideline, looks ticked off. Anytime an injured player keeps his helmet on while he’s on the sideline, that’s comedy.

Kevin Walter scores and it’s 32-22. Can you stop this train? There’s 8:15 to go.

Titans go three and out. Texans take over with 6:52 left.

The Texans fumble the ensuing punt. That’s five turnovers for the Texans. The Titans pass on a field goal attempt from the 35. Rosenfels throws and interception to Keith Bulluck, who fumbles but Nick Harper gets the ball.

It’s LenDale White’s first 100-yard game. Titans take it easy and give Bironas one more field goal. It’s 35-22 with 3:47 to go.

Rosenfels throws one right at Thornton. No dice.

With 1:55 to go, the Texans have the ball at the Titan 43. Fourth down. Rosenfels hits Owen Daniels. David Anderson catches a nice sideline pass inside the ten yard line.

Jeb Putzier scores with 97 seconds left. It’s 35-29. The 100 people left in the stands are enjoying it. Texans get the onside kick but there’s a penalty on the Houston. The odds of two consecutive successful onside kicks is “inconceivable.” Ben Hartsock had the ball but he fumbled it. Texans take over with 92 seconds to go.

Anderson catches the ball to the Texans 48 with less than 70 seconds left. Andre Davis catches the deep ball on the next play for the touchdown. Calvin Lowry was really out of place. It looked like he was trying to catch the ball and Davis took it.

Sadly I have to leave for dinner. TiVo will save the dramatic finish for later tonight.

There are 57 seconds left. The Titans have the ball at their 20. There are three timeouts left. I think this will represent the only Titan offensive rally for a victory last year. 2006 seems so long ago.

Collins hits Roydell Williams on an out for 15 yards. 50 seconds left.

Incomplete pass to LenDale White, who was bracketed.

Justin Gage drops a 20-yard gain with 39 seconds left. Would I have any hair left at this point?

Collins hits Roydell on Von Hutchins and hits him with a laser shot. It was a one-handed grab. Great throw.

LenDale takes it up the middle for six. Titans call a time out with two seconds left. Holy drama, Batman!

Kubiak calls a time out. It wasn’t a last-second call.

Oh yeah. Victory time.

I delete the TiVo recording. A game that strange is worthy of just one viewing. I’m currently taping a show on gravity.